Do you have a deep, dark secret that nobody knows?

Yes, actually. And currently I am debating turning around with the lantern and facing it head on. Short blog because if I do, they will be long and there will be more than one.

How do you feel about Valentine's Day?

Oh, that's quite simple. I really dislike it.  The reasons for me disliking it however are more complicated.

First and foremost, it is an extremely damaging holiday, psychologically and emotionally. We are raised with such intense pressure on a social level to have someone on Valentine's day.. To get the most Valentine's Day cards etc.  We're taught on a subconscious level that it matters because of our peers.  I remember yearning for someone on Valentine's Day growing up... until finally I realized just how ridiculous it was that one day can make you so utterly miserable.

Let's see.  First, it's saying that love = flowers, candy, presents, jewelry, etc.  That you have to show your love on one specific day a year.

How wrong is that? Let's begin with the fact that Valentine's Day doesn't actually have deep emotional meaning for most people unless they let it.  By that I mean you weren't married on Valentine's Day. You didn't start dating on Valentine's day. You didn't meet on Valentine's Day.  Valentine's Day is nothing more than a weak symbol of your love for each other. See, don't get me wrong. Love if you're in a relationship is a good thing..

Showing that love is a very good thing. But you should show your love for each other every day.  Hell, my dad used to buy me presents on a whim to show he cared. Sure, that's a different kind of love, but the idea is the same.

Love is not in a day, or in a card, or in flowers. It's in you, or it's not.  Showing love can be something little, or something big.  To me, showing love is as simple as buying Jason a Dr. Pepper. He loves Dr. Pepper.. so I'll pick him up one on occasion (he's cutting back on caffeine as well as cigarettes) as a treat.

Love is complicated. If I find a decent "Snipe" I'll pick it up for him. For those of you who aren't poor smokers, a snipe is a part of a cigarette people leave behind. I only grab ones that are half a cigarette, and don't look nasty.  (He burns the filter to get germs off.  After all, he is inhaling arsenic..)


The second thing that really pisses me off about Valentine's day is how much pressure there is on you to be in a relationship. It's not a really special fucking day, honestly. Yes, that deserves a "fucking". It's really depressing to me to see my friends who are single get so upset about it one day a year. You get jealous of people in relationships because they have someone and you don't.. Biologically we tend to want a mate. This one specific day it is hammered into our head over... and over... and over again.

See, the thing is... You need to love yourself. You need to be able to be happy on your own before you can really do so with another person.  Not judging people, just trying to say... You ARE worthy of love. You have friends who love you, family who loves you (biologically or not).  The fact that you don't have a romantic love at the moment is not a shadow looming over your head, or it shouldn't be.

I was alone every year until I met Jason.  That's 21 years of being alone. No, I don't think it made me bitter... It was the observation of the holiday and people's reactions to it that did so.


So, to me, this day is nothing special. I'll respect other people's views of it, and say aloud that I care for my friends and family and Jason... But it isn't that special to me.

"Why did you get started with Occupy?"

I got started with Occupy Portland/interested in OWS in general because I so completely agree with the idea of what they are talking about. I have socialist tendencies- I think those who have far more money than they could ever really spend should WANT to donate / give back to those who gave them their wealth.  Not all of it, necessarily, but so little to them could make such a difference to other people.

The fact that these people are so obsessed with their money that they want to go out of their way to avoid paying their fair share of taxes...  that royally pisses me off. I've never trusted banks, and one of the times I had to, I got screwed over.

I understand that the psychological need to make money drives our society.  But the greed that comes along with it is a living thing. It disgusts me. It disgusts me that we have such a money-hoarding, self-obsessed society.

I'm not saying I necessarily have the right to make people do things my way. I don't. As much as I sometimes wish I did, because I'd prefer the world run my way. Who wouldn't?

I grew up in a motel. Most of my friends grew up poor too.  Not because I'm drawn to poor people, but because poverty/lower middle class is far more common than you think.  It bothers me to see my friends in times of great financial strain when there are people who do very little and make so much they could just buy a skyscraper because they feel like it.


There are people living on the street who are trying desperately to get off of them, to get out of the vicious cycle and CAN'T, because there is not nearly enough services.  Yeah, life's not fair.  That doesn't mean it has to be that way. We make choices. We can CHANGE things if we really want to.

Why do you post so many status updates?

(Most of these I've asked myself or found online. This I asked myself.)

I post so many status updates on Facebook, and if you pay careful attention/happen to look at just the wrong time you'll see statuses I post in the heat of the moment and delete as soon as I hit post.

I'm a very volatile person. I have a lot of very intense emotions which for the most part I'm able to keep contained. However, like a volcano, I have to let off steam fairly often to keep from "blowing my top" completely.  The emotions I feel intensely aren't just anger. It's everything. I can't just... keep it in. I can't just ignore it. I can't just.... deal with it on my own, for some reason.  I've tried.

I've tried writing about it in word documents, and filling a folder. I've tried counting to 10. I've tried soo many things, but I have so many things erupting in my head that I need to let them out. With some of them, I don't care if I get a response. That's not the point. That's not even the point of this, though I hope it does become interactive someday soon. The point is to keep my "temperature" at a decent level.  The point is that I LIKE to share these things with the world, the universe if you will. I'm well aware that most people don't care. If it annoys them, they can uncheck me from their subscriptions.

I like sharing. I like being an open book. Why? Because that way people will know where I stand. They'll know me. I have difficulty explaining myself, otherwise. I don't like things being on my mind, it feels like they ferment or boil.

Why do you like Puzzles so much?

I've loved puzzles for as long as I can remember. I remember going with my dad to work in the summer on occasion and sitting in his office back when he was afraid someone would call CPS on him for leaving an 11 year old home alone.  I'd sit there in the summer, and he'd pack me a cheap lunch. I got to sit in his office and put together puzzles, or go through the gaylords of books.  No, that's not an insult to those of us who are drawn to their own gender. A gaylord is actually a very large box. Approximately my arm span by my arm span, and as tall as my chest- I am 5'4.

The damaged books would get thrown into these containers unlovingly, slightly bent covers seeming to pout with lack of love. Scratched spines seeming to arch with the pain of not being properly loved and cared for.  I would climb in with my new friends and dig for treasures.. And treasures aplenty did I find.

At any rate, however, I'd spend my days putting together puzzles.  Or when Christmas came around, when I went to visit my mom's family, there would always be a card table in the corner with two chairs. One for me and one for whoever else.

I suppose part of the reason I like them so much is because there is that sense of peace you get from putting together 1,000 pieces of a whole image. Finding where everything goes, putting it in its place. Perhaps because I never had much stability growing up, I put a lot of stock into that. :)

My Dream Government

How would my dream country/government be run?

Let's see here. On a grand scale, the military would be decent, but not over-budgeted. They'd defend us when we needed it and there wouldn't be so many that we were in other countries for “their safety”. That's too political for my viewpoint.

There would be a lot of funding for research, and medical care and homelessness. For schools. Those would be my dream government's priority.

Marijuana would be legal, and there'd be much more true information about alcohol and tobacco to comat the mentality that they're not that bad. Not to try to convince people not to use them, but to warn them of side effects etc.

There wouldn't just be a two party system... It causes people to become too divided. Hell, you know what? It'd be great if anyone running for president had to pass a lie detector test and have a personality assessment :D

Courageous Acts

In your opinion, what acts can be described as courageous and why?

Well, that depends on the person.  On a large scale that we all acknowledge (okay, mostly), they happen when someone stands up to a force far greater than their own.  For example, peaceful protestors not running from the first riot cops they see.  Standing in the face of the possibility, and sometimes due to the police brutality we all know about and ignore, probability of being unfairly beaten or arrested.

It can be standing up to untruths and lies that are far greater than one person, standing up to corruption or bullies, standing up to muggers.

On a scale that we may not notice however, it may be simply getting up in the morning. Opening your eyes to a new day. Facing a crowded room.  It all depends on the person.